Friday, October 29, 2004

Saturday: Gettin' my BOO on!

Party Saturday. Costume thing. Booze, pool, music, peeps off the streets, and disguises for to hide them identities. I LOVE throwing house parties. So much more relaxed than your standard bar or stuffy-assed club. One can really let loose at a house party. It is inviting by design: everyone has something in common with everyone else there, and you’ll more than likely see the same people in the near future. So nothing about it is Strangers-in-a-Hotel-Bar-ish, and no one there is truly able to lie their ass off about anything (a mutual friend will call them on it). Besides, the booze and debauchery are always free at our parties. Un-fucking-beatable.

I really enjoy Djing at parties too. Maybe I enjoy adding to an atmosphere of fun. Perhaps I aim to help people “let go” for a bit. Maybe it is just because I want to control the music. Maybe it is because when I DJ, I avoid drinking/smoking/passing out too much. Maybe it is the power over an environment. Maybe it is the fact that I have been doing it for almost fourteen years and it makes as much sense to me as breathing.

Who knows.

But while I really do enjoy spinning at parties, there are some drawbacks to consider. It is not all fun, some things which routinely occur are downright morale killing (“dude, this music totally sucks. And so do you.”) while other occurrences are simply obnoxious. I’ll let you in on some of what I consider irritating behavior perpetrated against the DJ at your average house party, Anytown, USA.

People fucking with the DJ’s records. People have NO idea what records cost. They think: “oh, that Milli Vanilli is soooooo gay, and you can like, get it off the Interweb for like, free and shit. So, why is such a big deal if I walk up and just start scratching on it?” Errr… because they DON’T MELT THAT WAX ANYMORE. They made X copies back in 1988 and then shut down the press. So, unlike the great digital universe of shitty-sounding MP3s, there is a FIXED number of older vinyl in existence. No more. EVER AGAIN. So, any that are available are valuable to whoever might want them. What one person hears as kitsch, a DJ/collector will properly recognize as a brilliant rarity, which should be cared for and protected. For fucks sake.

Requests for current top-40 music. Yeeeeaaaaaah… turn on the radio if you simply must hear that new Blue 7 Maroon Novemberbox 20 song. Why would a DJ buy it when it is played for free, on seven different stations, all the damn time? Request that caca in ten years, when it will be interesting and nostalgic to hear. Today, it is obnoxious and you know it.

Requests for slow or depressing songs. Sure, everybody enjoys a little Morrissey every now and again. We all have our dark moments. But when you approach the DJ at a party, and give the DJ your pitch: “hey man, did you bring ‘Everybody Hurts’? Or anything Nick Drake,” you are basically saying: “hey DJ, I hate everyone here who is enjoying themselves and I want them to suffer and suck like I do, are you with me?”

People who use the DJ's turntables as their personal tabletop. At every party I have Djed, invariably someone during the course of the night decides that their drink must be set down on one of the turntables. Not usually while it is in use, mind you, but during a break in the mix, when I am absent. Someone simply decides that the trashcan (five feet away) is just too distant a depository for their booze vessel. So, a solo cup of backwash, foam, and perhaps some semi-rotting fruit ends up perched atop my wheels o’ steel. Thanks.

People asking the DJ really vague-ass questions. I believe they do this in an effort to start a rapport with the DJ, trying to be friendly, but failing miserably. They want to ask a meaningful, insightful question, but it just ends up sounding dickish. “You got any good music?” No fucker, I only brought the absolute garbage you’ve been hearing for the past hour and a half. “Is this the only kind of music you brought?” What the hell does that mean? “Kind” of music… eh? “Man”-kind of music? Are they looking for a visual “kind” of music? Here’s a nickel, buy a clue. And my favorite: “You have anything cool to play? I want to hear some cool music.” Don’t we all, you dumbass. Don’t we all.

Oooooohhh… after my little tirade here, this might be the last time I am ever invited to DJ. OH NO!

Anybody want to buy some Technics 1200s, 3-way mixer, and a bunch of extra needles and such? I just might have some for sale…

Damn you Milli Vanilli!


carmenjayne said...

So, like, are you gonna play some Halloween music at the party? or are you gonna just spin the usual hiphop drip? ;-)

Truecraig said...

I play no "hip hop drip" woman! I leave that sad duty (to thirteen-year-old girls) to the worthless radio. I only run classic tracks under my needles (I leave nelly and roca-whatever on the goddamned shelf).

Besides, I play other drip. Hip hop is mixed in, here and there, but it is not my foundation. Peas.

firedancerdancin said...

i have three parties to go to on halloween. i was lora croft for two years in a row (the second year was a fluke--I was called at 9pm on halloween and was told to "dress up...we're going out!" so i really couldn't help the lack of creativity in year two, but i digress) but this year, i have NOTHING! i can't top it. The costume was so badass...."LORA CROFT! THAT ROCKS!!!" "HEY!!! THAT'S A BADASS COSTUME!" This year i'm screwed. I have no more coolness in me. I'm going as a wood sprite. Don't tell my best friend brooke, but the bridesmaid dress I wore for her wedding, which was brown, is going to be cut up and made into a wood sprite costume. Yes, it's lame, but it's cheap--wings and some fake vines/flowers is all i have to get. I thought about doing a "wasted vote" and going as nader with a empty bottle of jack in his hand, but i hate masks. If you are spinning at one of the three parties i'm at, i might just...wig out and leave. lol. regardless, I hope you and your lady have a great holiday weekend.