It is sad when you realize that you cannot run anymore because your knees just cannot handle it. It is sad when you realize that you cannot travel, visit most places of interest, or anything else that requires resources because your bank account cannot handle it. It is sad when you realize that the wide swings between highs and lows are because of each other, and your body simply cannot continue to handle the punch with any real resilience. It is sad when you realize that all your previous youthful possibilities have turned into the standard opportunity costs everyone has to grapple with to the grave, dancing with the shittiest of partners: regret.
It is happy when you find that you can pick up swimming instead of running. It is happy when you find that there are many free experiences that can be had, which are even more interesting than those hidden behind the colorful exterior of carnival tickets. It is happy when you find that those highs and lows which will never again be obtained as they were when you were able to properly distill them together, never actually balanced each other out nearly as well as your mature, wine-wise mind keeps balanced. It is happy when you find that nothing you have ever done really had any negative costs, because the end result of one’s life, along with everyone else, is death, and nothing worse than that.
One’s life is never wasted if it was lived, for better or worse, during their time, to the best of the liver’s ability. No judgment can be made. Just as there is no profit at the end of one’s life, there are no remaining costs. If the bill is guaranteed to be paid in full by the end of its term, then it should matter not where the balance may sit during its duration.
Repeat until either calm or insane.