Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Me and my combos.

So I'm sitting here at work, dodging the company-wide Christmas charade-parade (complete with singing choir, watered-down koolaid, and sugar-coated dogfood cookies. Replete with muted madness, and slightly resembling a rest-home celebration for Deathmas). Bored, and wishing to be left alone... I started a list of word parings, which I have feelings for.

I love these, and I feel it should be obvious:

1. Dr. and Dre (so whatchu wanme ta do...do...do...)
2. Mandarin and Tonic (keep them coming)
3. Open and Bar (mercy me, please include #2)
4. Breakfast and Buffet (plate over plate of bacon)
5. Long and Weekend (side of extra hangover, thank you)
6. Hot and Shower (perq of the first world)
7. Coffee and Cigarettes (my closest of friends)
8. New and Car (fucking windshield is about to be OUT)
9. Curious and George (who don't love them monkies?)
10. Fuck and A (yep)

I resent these, and they need no explanation:

1. Magic and Wand (wizards are tard, and fairies are corky)
2. Cell and Mate (welcome to OZ, bitch)
3. Gin and Anything (Black the fuck out)
4. Crank and Yankers (Adam whateverhisnameis should shut the fuck up sometimes)
5. Sales and Man (the "value added" takes from my soul)
6. Overflowing and Toilet (shit, shit, shit)
7. Easter and Bunny (Pastels suck, and Cadbury Eggs are filled with goat cum)
8. Politically and Correct (Nobody gets it, so lay off me already)
9. Flat and Tires (I'm gonna die on this freeway shoulder)
10. Fuck and U (yep)

These cause me mind-numbing confusion, so I will elaborate a tad:

1. Family and Values: I estimate the values to equal 0.00. Why is this an issue?
2. Jesus and Saves: Saves what? Time, for simpletons who aren't capable of reason I suppose.
3. Pro and Life: Who really rallies behind Death?
4. Bill and O’Reilly: Is he a robot? Forged from two-dimensional views of steel and the loudest tanning cream available?
5. Contemporary and Furniture: If it is here now, is not Contemporary?
6. Girl and Talk: This is a given. I believe that the two invented each other.
7. Free and Markets: There is nothing “Free” about them.
8. Self and Discipline: You have got to be kidding me. Do those words mesh to you?
9. Social and Hierarchy: Seems to me that the only way to establish yourself at the top of one of those is to kill everyone below you. That’s a loser’s game if I’ve ever heard of one.
10. Tomb and Raider: Worst. Movie. Ever. Her ta-tas weren’t even real. Damnit.


4 comments:

firedancerdancin said...

I dressed up as Lora Croft for Halloween a few years back. Big hit. BIG HIT.

Random Craig, please have a very happy holiday season, and a happy new years as well.

Take care,
Melanie

dungsta said...

man there is this seriously fucking absurd thing happening between all of us...first it was the titty bar thang now its the logistical (this word used to refer to logic and not time organization)underpinnings of language....fuck are we (the usual suspects) becoming symbiotic??? i hope you gots your cootie shot!!!

Anonymous said...

I always loved Cadbury eggs, liquid sugar encased in chocolate, mmmmm, but now I don't think I'll ever be able to look at one of them again without visualization followed by dry heaves. Thanks a lot!
lbm

Truecraig said...

Melanie: thank you mucho!

Dungsta: I have absolutely no idea what you are referring to. We always agree about everything, and that makes us the happiest of couples. But seriously, I have no clue what the whole "logistical" thing is about.

mamalara: sorry for ruining your Cadbury experience... but the truth HAD to be told!