Monday, December 13, 2004

My mind is utter mush

My ears channels hurt today. And I have to pee every ten minutes. This "cedar fever" thing is destroying my sense of personality. Not that I was the most animate or jovial person before, but between the drugs, the no-sleep, and the fits of snot, I am worried that I will no longer be able to feel anything beyond sleepy irritation.

I could not sleep last night, so I did what every man-of-men would do. I ate two bowls of Raisin Bran, drank half a bottle of Nyquil, and watched Sex and The City episodes until I passed out. Approximately 3am. This is an unacceptable lifestyle, and it is absolutely killing me. It is worse than my recent attempts at lifelong alcoholism (which left me nothing less than exhausted, broke, and bereft of anyone's respect). At least the boozing helped me entertain myself, and gave the illusion of a progressing personality. But this whole TV-bran-drugs thing is a COMPLETE waste of time.

I have never wanted a cough to produce some swallowable material in my life. Fucking killing me over here.

But, I must soldier on, acting as if I am overcoming some huge obstacle in my life, in order to give my day's activities a heightened level of meaning. As in: buying a Christmas Tree, all by my lonesome, is a monumental task if I am to it under the TV-bran-drugs condition. Somehow, I will convince myself that accomplishing even the most mundane tasks (which I would not have bothered with otherwise - because they are tedious, and do not fill me with any feelings of accomplishment under normal conditions), are amazing feats of bravery when executed from behind a blinding curtain of attacking pollen. Yes...

And of course, no one else will see it that way. The Christmas Tree guy will call me a pussy, and potentially queer for buying a Christmas Tree all by myself. And the guys at Home Depot will ask me to stop wheezing and snot-drooling like I'm Jerry's favorite kid, while asking them questions about the mechanics behind a "hissing" toilet (it keeps me up at night, okay? All that incessant hissing might be the culprit behind the canceling out of the wondrous effects of Nyquil).

Until I accomplish these brave, brave tasks under the iron-fist of allergies gone wild... I will simply be a zombie at work, downing yet another cup of coffee, just to stay lucid enough to avoid being handed a cardboard box by security. Utter. Mush. Today. My Mind. Is.


Damn you boning Cedar trees!

No comments: