Tuesday, March 01, 2005

What Are YOU Lookin' For? Pt 2

Internet searches. People make them. And magically, then end up here.

They give me mixed emotions, and I feel compelled to discuss them with... myself, I guess. And you, if you bother reading. WORD.

u.p.*s entrance exam passers namely

Whoever was looking for a way to cheat on any UPS exams… you really suck. I mean, goddamn. How did you figure out how to use the interweb? Tool.

family inceasant [sic] pictures

My family is without ceasing too. Whatever that means. If you’re looking for photos involving family-on-family action… well… you need to know the password. That’s all I got to say on that. Boo-yeah.

hard muscle women fight photos


blogspot texas kicks fucking ass desperate white trash

I’m a bit confused on this one. Is Texas beating up poor trailer folk? Or are the trailer folk penning a blog on how badass Texas is?

More importantly, should I feel really, extremely, frustratingly maddened by the fact that someone did the search, and decided that my blog fit their criteria, regardless of what the hell they meant by it in the first place? Seriously. If someone asked, just generally, at no one in particular “donkey dick monkey peanut with strong red ribboned straw bags?” and the answer came back as you, you might feel as I do now.

she mooned me (twice on this one)

Yup. Twice. Two different people ticky-tapped that trio of words into google, and that’s how they came here. Birds of a feather, we surely are.

midnight monkey dildo (Five, yes FIVE goddamn times)

This is just too fantastic to make fun of. If I had a Japanese punk band…

monkey giving a gorilla an ex-ray

Great visual on that one. Maybe as good as “shark doing aardvark’s taxes”. Loons.

awful burps vomited

Yes, vurps. Tasty stuff. Especially if there’s broccoli pizza involved.

congolese porn (TWICE, AGAIN for the porn of Congo)

Jesus Christ. There’s something going on in the Congo man. Seriously. I get hits for this search every week, and they always come in groups. I might have to do some back-to-Africa travel here soon. Well, go-to-Africa travel. Whatever.

Donkey sex show carnival tent

For the record, donkey sex shows are never done in carnival tents. Usually it is done in an old bar, an abandoned warehouse, or my living room. The donkey tends to run if it sees daylight, so a tent is hardly a viable venue.

janky drug fuck porno europe

I have never seen someone else type the word “janky”. I thought I was alone there. Good to see that others are just as illiterate as myself. This is another case where I am confused as to how I should feel about this string of dirty nonsense beating a path to my door. It looks like I have no morals or something.

xray specs that see through cloths [sic]

On the back of every Boy Scout Magazine ever printed.

photos of jeanine garofalo (two searches for good ol' Jeanine)

Go to your high school yearbook. Look at any drama club pictures. You see that goth-ish kind of chick with no notable facial expressions who never looked anyone else in the eye? See her back there, in the rear corner of that one photo? The one who really had no friends but was always rumored to be dating thirty-year olds? There’s your photo.

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