Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Narcissistic Babble Session

Sometimes, a man's just got to babble a bit. Ignore if you wish, I care not. Bygones.

**Begin Babble Session**

I am an agnostic who isn’t atheist only because I refuse to believe in “nothing”.

I am a heterosexual man who is trying to learn about what attracts men/women to men, for the sake of better understanding my environment. And I do not consider this an act of homosexuality.

I have two minds on almost every issue. I am an economist at heart, and that is what we tend to do.

I am the son of an accomplished Nurse, and an exceptional Structural Engineer. I am neither of them. I am both of them.

I wish I could practice my Mandarin Chinese more. I forget more and more as days go by, and this brings me stress.

I am a procrastinator who does not consider what he does difficult, so he waits to the last minute in order to make mundane tasks/responsibilities more interesting. This is far from a virtue, and I am aware of it.

I do not believe in being violent. But I believe that there are people who live by violence. And so, I believe in self defense, even when it goes against my other beliefs.

I believe that US national sports and US network television are the equivalent of Rome’s bread/circuses/gladiators campaign, designed to help distract us from what we really need to focus on. Because we are distracted, we do not honestly know what we should be focused on. This keeps me up at night.

I have not lost my temper in over five years. If I never lose it again, I will be just fine with that. But if I do blow it, I would prefer that no-one else be forced to witness it.

I believe that all politicians are just that: politicians. Believing that they are crusaders, champions of justice, or holders of any constitution beyond their own personal agenda is short-sighted and ignorant. Believing otherwise will get you exactly what you deserve: a politician. I am open to changing this opinion, but I have been given nothing to work with. I consider politicians to be a necessary evil.

I believe that all lawyers are politicians. This is through much personal experience, and personal friends who are lawyers are, unfortunately, lumped into this group. I consider all lawyers to be a necessary evil.

I believe in the peaceful coexistence of hypocrisy and definite truth. Definite truth being unattainable, and hypocrisy being our way of dealing with daily life knowing that definite truth is unattainable.

I believe that I am owed absolutely nothing by anyone. I also believe that it is this mindset which allows me (and the hard-working generations before me) to turn a blind eye to how my government mishandles my input into the tax system.

I know that I am lazy when it comes to proper watch-dogging of my own elected officials. I alone am responsible for allowing their misbehavior. I also know that each day I continue to be lazy, the harder it will be to correct said misbehavior.

I believe that I will grow old, and die, with no countable legacy. No riches, no wealth to convey, no gold to tally. And I am okay with this.

I believe that the only real legacy a person of meager beginnings actually has, is their ability to help their contemporaries. I believe that if nothing else, my borderline anonymous existence will leave a legacy of helping those around me: live a little better. Live a little harder. Live a little more, than they would have otherwise.

I have not cried in over three years. It was almost ten years between that tear-session and the one which preceded it. I wish I was better at crying, but not too good to contain it.

I try NOT to wish ill-will on those who hold contempt for me, even though I know I am within my right to do so. In reality, it is the ill-will they have toward me which I hate more than anything. In response, it is a weapon I choose to sheath.

I believe in honesty at all costs, even in the face of harsh judgment. But I do not believe that the truth conquers all. In fact, I believe that multiple perspectives provide for many parallel and coherent truths for any given issue. But even in light of this refraction of justice, I believe in honesty at all costs.

I believe that the most sinister product ever made, even beyond Peeps, are cigarettes. Nothing is more polarizing for me, within the confines of my own mind, than the desire to dance with nicotine. They say that heroine addicts who manage to kick the smack, never manage to kick smoking. The hold is that powerful. And from experience, it is quite sinister.

I wish I had never been a liar. I wish I had never been a thief. I wish I had never been a cheater, a careless lover, an addict, a hard drinker, a coffee hound, a night owl, a bigot of any kind, or a lazy technocrat who allowed himself to think he was the shit. But most of all, I wish I didn’t regret any of the things I’ve been, good or bad, better or worse. Because that is who I am, and honestly, there is no apology necessary.

And lucky for me, I really don’t regret any of it, since I never really planned any of this crap anyway.

**End Babble Session**

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Gosh, so many things to say about this post, but I am on a limited clock for now, so here is my initial contribution:

I completely disagree with you that lawyers are politicians. I am a lawyer, and while I am not a politician, from what I know of politicians (which admittedly may not be accurate), I cannot imagine a greater difference between the two. Lawyers live and die by details whereas politicians cannot afford to dive into details oftentimes and still connect with the public. Lawyers are also much greedier than politicians generally. A successful law firm partner in Washington D.C. can make $500-600K a year easily. Your top civil servents are lucky if they make more than $131,000 (or whatever the top GS level is currently).

If your point was that both politicians and lawyers are value-neutral (or mercenary if you prefer), then your standard is too broad. At that point, you might as well also include most business executives, almost anyone in sales, etc.

In the end, your assumption that politicians and lawyers are more self-serving than other types or groups of persons will lead you to peril. Would you consider the possibility that your characterization of politicians and lawyers is the product of lazy thinking?

Truecraig said...

Greetings Anon. I believe we know each other, and that is why you chose to deliver your disagreement without rampage. Good on you for that. But I think you might be a bit too much on the defensive here.

You bring up several points in your comment. The main one being: “would [I] consider the possibility that [my] characterization of politicians and lawyers is the product of lazy thinking?”

Not at all. Far from it, in fact. I believe that you may have read a detailed, negative “characterization” into me saying that I believe Lawyers and Politicians are a “necessary evil”. This is, indeed, a very broad statement (I don’t know that the term “standard”, as you referred, is applicable here). I believe that civilization tends to fall back on itself without the rule of law. Therefore: 1) laws must be written and constantly evaluated (politicians) and their interpretations argued amongst those within the civilization (lawyers). So, I see Politicians and Lawyers as a necessary evil for the proper functioning of society. Politicians and Lawyers did not build civilization, they were produced by it, and are needed to help maintain it (but are commonly known to do the opposite, for personal gain).

As for me saying that Lawyers are Politicians, well, I was simply trying to point out their similar (if not exactly the same) reason for existing. I am certainly not saying that “Salesman are not Politicians”, as one could form an easily defensible position stating as much. I am also NOT saying that “Corporate Executives have a higher moral rating than Lawyers and/or Politicians”, as that would be impossible to calculate. The common ground between Lawyers and Politicians is their supposed dedication to serve the civilized population which provides for them. Salesmen and Corporate Executives are value-harvesters by trade, explicitly, and they do so without reverence to population specifics. Just like true pirates, they are best served by being amoral. To say that Lawyers and Politicians should be allowed to be just as amoral would be a much more perilous trail, would it not? To even assume that they should be judged by the same measurement of ethics as Salesmen and Corporate Execs is to say that Politicians and Lawyers should be treated as independent businessmen, contracting with a population to do work under the assumption of caveat emptor, with no real responsibility toward the rule of law. I hope you see the ethical flaw in that thinking.

And I know, empirically, Lawyers and Politicians ARE being judged as independent businessmen INSTEAD of being ombudsmen for the population (which kindly allows them to ply their trade). But I believe everyone would agree that repetition of an injustice will never be evidence that it should be considered just. Well, perhaps I am all alone in that thinking, and I am okay with that.

No worries.

Sean said...

Businessmen, Politicians and Lawyers?

How about I knock all three of their heads together because they collectively waste my tax dollars and abuse the hell out of the justice system in ways that make you want to spill hot coffee in your own lap.

Corporations are WAY more litigious than individuals, and shit probably over half (I'll have to look that one up just to be smug) of the tax dollars I send up to the judicial branch gets squandered on their stupid fucking contract breaches and SEC bullshit. I think if they're using our tax dollars and clogging up our court system with petty dollars and cents bullshit that equals corporate welfare. The court should be for settling matters of justice, not matters of accounting.

So fuck the biz for leaning too hard on ye olde judicial branch. And fuck the politicians for playing ball with the tort reform rhetoric (99.999999% of it only serves to hurt individuals and gives *more* protection to the biz), and fuck the laywers lubricating this affront to justice as it rides up the ass of the taxpayers everywhere.

Actually, I'm just pissed off about some work shit, but it was fun to vent here.

luka said...

Yah
uh
and
I believe I can fly
I believe I can touch the sky

good gone bad said...

Are the voices in your head getting to you or is the white noise too much to handle?

Glitzy said...

That's some pretty deep babble. Deep. Have fun on your trip.

Anonymous said...

This is Craig, from Amsterdam, kinda drunk. But that's okay. Because I am in Amsterdam. That's how that goes.

Sean - I am glad that you can vent here. The more places you have to vent, the better off (and safer, I might add) the rest of us are.

Lex - I have no idea who you are talking to. The R Kelly references are completely lost on me. I blame the whiskey.

Tam-Tam - Also, I have no idea who you are talking to. The voices in my head sound Irish (thank you Dublin), if that helps explain anything. Crimminy Christmas! Top o' tha mornin'to ya! Fuck.

Glitz - My babble is always as shallow as a parking lot puddle of frat-boy piss. That's how I roll. Thanks for the well-wishing! I haven't been stabbed yet, and I've managed to avoid any unplanned penetentiary tours! SWEET!

An' may the gud lurd blessitall!

c-

Anonymous said...

I'm currently humming David Bowie's "New Career in a New Town" - check out some of the links mentioned here:

http://www.popmatters.com/books/reviews/e/eighty-sixed.shtml

Truecraig said...

Anon- This looks like an advertisement to me. Yet, I thought you might be someone I know, so I followed the link. I don't believe I know you, but the review there was definitely interesting to me. Online publishing, which can lead to paper-publishing is very curious to me.

If it was meant to be helpful, then thank you. If it was meant as a blanket advertising scheme, then I will hunt you down and cut you. Twice. (the hunt, that is, not the number of cuts) I got rid of the Google bullshit to avoid adverts in this space and over my words. I want to keep it as clean as possible. So, remember: twice, fucker. Twice.

Word.