Narcissistic Babble Session

Sometimes, a man's just got to babble a bit. Ignore if you wish, I care not. Bygones.

**Begin Babble Session**

I am an agnostic who isn’t atheist only because I refuse to believe in “nothing”.

I am a heterosexual man who is trying to learn about what attracts men/women to men, for the sake of better understanding my environment. And I do not consider this an act of homosexuality.

I have two minds on almost every issue. I am an economist at heart, and that is what we tend to do.

I am the son of an accomplished Nurse, and an exceptional Structural Engineer. I am neither of them. I am both of them.

I wish I could practice my Mandarin Chinese more. I forget more and more as days go by, and this brings me stress.

I am a procrastinator who does not consider what he does difficult, so he waits to the last minute in order to make mundane tasks/responsibilities more interesting. This is far from a virtue, and I am aware of it.

I do not believe in being violent. But I believe that there are people who live by violence. And so, I believe in self defense, even when it goes against my other beliefs.

I believe that US national sports and US network television are the equivalent of Rome’s bread/circuses/gladiators campaign, designed to help distract us from what we really need to focus on. Because we are distracted, we do not honestly know what we should be focused on. This keeps me up at night.

I have not lost my temper in over five years. If I never lose it again, I will be just fine with that. But if I do blow it, I would prefer that no-one else be forced to witness it.

I believe that all politicians are just that: politicians. Believing that they are crusaders, champions of justice, or holders of any constitution beyond their own personal agenda is short-sighted and ignorant. Believing otherwise will get you exactly what you deserve: a politician. I am open to changing this opinion, but I have been given nothing to work with. I consider politicians to be a necessary evil.

I believe that all lawyers are politicians. This is through much personal experience, and personal friends who are lawyers are, unfortunately, lumped into this group. I consider all lawyers to be a necessary evil.

I believe in the peaceful coexistence of hypocrisy and definite truth. Definite truth being unattainable, and hypocrisy being our way of dealing with daily life knowing that definite truth is unattainable.

I believe that I am owed absolutely nothing by anyone. I also believe that it is this mindset which allows me (and the hard-working generations before me) to turn a blind eye to how my government mishandles my input into the tax system.

I know that I am lazy when it comes to proper watch-dogging of my own elected officials. I alone am responsible for allowing their misbehavior. I also know that each day I continue to be lazy, the harder it will be to correct said misbehavior.

I believe that I will grow old, and die, with no countable legacy. No riches, no wealth to convey, no gold to tally. And I am okay with this.

I believe that the only real legacy a person of meager beginnings actually has, is their ability to help their contemporaries. I believe that if nothing else, my borderline anonymous existence will leave a legacy of helping those around me: live a little better. Live a little harder. Live a little more, than they would have otherwise.

I have not cried in over three years. It was almost ten years between that tear-session and the one which preceded it. I wish I was better at crying, but not too good to contain it.

I try NOT to wish ill-will on those who hold contempt for me, even though I know I am within my right to do so. In reality, it is the ill-will they have toward me which I hate more than anything. In response, it is a weapon I choose to sheath.

I believe in honesty at all costs, even in the face of harsh judgment. But I do not believe that the truth conquers all. In fact, I believe that multiple perspectives provide for many parallel and coherent truths for any given issue. But even in light of this refraction of justice, I believe in honesty at all costs.

I believe that the most sinister product ever made, even beyond Peeps, are cigarettes. Nothing is more polarizing for me, within the confines of my own mind, than the desire to dance with nicotine. They say that heroine addicts who manage to kick the smack, never manage to kick smoking. The hold is that powerful. And from experience, it is quite sinister.

I wish I had never been a liar. I wish I had never been a thief. I wish I had never been a cheater, a careless lover, an addict, a hard drinker, a coffee hound, a night owl, a bigot of any kind, or a lazy technocrat who allowed himself to think he was the shit. But most of all, I wish I didn’t regret any of the things I’ve been, good or bad, better or worse. Because that is who I am, and honestly, there is no apology necessary.

And lucky for me, I really don’t regret any of it, since I never really planned any of this crap anyway.

**End Babble Session**