Wednesday, February 16, 2005

What the Hell are YOU Looking For?

That last post was a bit dark. For me, at least. And I might delete it, so read it now if you ever care to. (I put it up there in the first place as an exercise in honesty, with myself. Since only a handful of others actually read this stuff, it would not be too much of an exhibition)

This post is substantially more light hearted!

So. People come to read things here. But not all of them know why they show up. Many get here by way of search engines. Oh yes. Google, and Yahoo!, and other meta-data-minders funnel hapless folks in search of substantive answers to substantive questions, here, to the Agitated Ass Monkey. To me.

With searches like:


Yes, often. In fact, I am really starting to hone my whole "binger" persona. You certainly found "Barachos" on this drunk-ass page. Word. Thanks for choosing to say it in another language.

Jeanine Garofalo Alcoholism

Sure, why not? Bring her along for the ride. Fuck it.

Unwiped asses

Now that's just nasty. But I can see why you might want to look around here for that. Sometimes it's a step that just gets left out of the poo process. Bygones.

Hallmark stocker job

Fuck Hallmark. And fuck that stocking job. Knobs, all of them.

I believe that I am not racism

Hell, me too. Interesting statement. Sucks that Google brought them here. I mean, shit, what kind of person AM I, anyway? Am I racism incarnate? Personified? Shit.

Free forced gyno inspection

That is some crazy shit right there. What other kind of "forced" gyno inspection could there possibly be?

What does agitated mean?

Keep reading. It'll get clearer, and clearer, and clearer, and.....

Congolese Porn Tapes

Wow. I wish. Are they subtitled or something? Doesn't porn transcend language? It must be noted that this search was done TWICE. And both times they came here. I don't know what they found, but it wasn't my precious Congolese Porn Tapes. That you can be sure of.

I hid them real good.

Monkey taunting guy with bud light

Hm. I didn't catch the Superbowl, so I must have missed (yet another) classic bud (f'n) light commercial. All I can say is that ANYONE or ANY ANIMAL is well within their right to taunt a man with a bud light. True, true...


They put the periods in there themselves. Damn. The google search brings up a slew of gay porn. And my blog. Great. That is... fuck it. Whatever.

urinated my pants while unconscious

I found what they looked at on this one. It was one of my NYC drinking stories. I never finished the thing, because I felt it was dragging out. I hope whoever pissed themselves read that story, because no one else is willing to.

rodents into the rectum for sexual pleasure+homosexuals

What. The. Fuck. Is Richard Gere reading my blog? Don't hate if you're a fan. For the record, Richard's middle name is "Tiffany". No joke. Even his parents knew they had a nancy boy on their hands.

Just had to do that. Analyzing one's "reference links" is about as bad as those meme things.

Damn you Congolese Porn Tapes!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

the last search that brought someone to my place of vent was "the complete lyrics to billy ray cyrus's achey breaky heart"

You win with the gay stuff though.


p.s. they did not find the complete lyrics. i felt bad.