Thursday, September 30, 2004

Me Likey

Not that you care, but I like:

Breakfast tacos. This is a no-brainer in my book. Eggs, cheese, and bacon all wrapped up in a warm tortilla, served in aluminum foil. No silverware needed. You are served best with black coffee.

Black coffee. Oh how you make my mornings go. You are the "do it" juice that my body simply refuses to manufacture on its own. You rule me before 11am. I do not look forward to the headaches you will toss my way once I start experimenting with the idea of severing our morning rendezvous. You are served best with aluminum-wrapped breakfast tacos.

Halloween. I love you for the simple fact that Hallmark has tried, but honestly failed to hijack you, my fondest of pagan holidays. When else can one dress like a Optimus Prime? I LOVE Optimus Prime. Now there's a real leader.

Optimus Prime. That fuckin' guy, robot, whatever, is the total shit. When he transforms from truck to antennae-eared leader of energon cube-wrangling Autobots, his trailer magically disappears. NO ONE else can claim that. Who is badass? O.P. is, that's who.

Jogger's high. Yeah, I know, it is actually Runner's High. But fuck it. My run is a fast walking-kinda-trotting-don't-fuck-up-the-knees type of jog. I'm no Bruce freakin' Jenner, and neither are you. The high feels better than a KB toke followed by a split-case of PBR with your best friend. Now that is high.

Heavy watches. Good heft in a timepiece says: I like sexy time. Drop that featherweight G-Shock and get laid (if by no one but yourself).

Vibrate. I've never heard what my cell phone sounds like, and I don't care to. Whenever I hear other people's phones, my arm makes an involuntary "stabbing" motion. Besides, it brightens my day when you call and it massages my right nut.

Saying “later”. So much better than “good bye”. Do you never plan to see each other again or what? I will see your ass “later”, and we’re both cool with that. “Good bye” is the salutation of a dead man.

Festival beer. I don’t have to carry a heavy-ass igloo to the park. Beer-tickets help me forget that getting drunk costs real money. Getting tanked in public, in the sun, and riding rusty rides manned by two-toothed loons with family trees that don’t branch is more fun than sky diving with the Dali Lama. There’s special dirt in every Solo cup.

Later, likes.

9 comments:

Jonnie 7-11 said...

Black coffee is one of life's great pleasures - I like it strong and bitter. No hassles, no trips to the refridgerator for milk, no suger spills all over the fucking counter.

And if I had a quarter for everybody who's asked me why I drink it that way, I'd have at least $2.00.
What's their problem with simplicity anyway?

Truecraig said...

They fear the blackness. That's all it really is.

luka said...

Sorry Craig, MAYO is pretty close to the top of my list of likes. I know the mere mention of it makes you (and your brother) ill but it sure does taste good with a piece of turkey and some bread. YUM. However, I will admit it makes me sick to watch someone make homemade mayonaise. I almost stopped eating it after I saw Emeril make some one day on TV. Either I try not to think about it OR I buy the fake stuff at the grocery store. Though I bet the fake stuff is even scarier to make at home.

Truecraig said...

Luka, I forgive you for your sins against good taste, as I hope others will forgive me for mine...

Tyrone Vitoff said...

I find myself approving of all your likes. Carry on the good fight. I will monitor your progress, and offer words of support, when needed. Rock.

Lisa said...

How can you not like mayo? I simply don't understand...it's the best on a cheeseburger all mixed up with the ketchup...and on sandwiches...and in coleslaw...and potato salad...

i could probably do with liking mayo a little less and running a little more.

Truecraig said...

Potato salad manufactures flies at a factory-in-wartime pace. Just churnin' the little buggers out. Whenever you are at a picnic, and the flies are overwhelming, just throw away that nasty-ass potato salad and your infestation will end. Plus you won't get sick from the turned mayo. My stomach is twitching, just thinking about it.

Lisa said...

Dude, what kind of potato salad are you eating? I'm also not usually eating it in a picnic setting - this being Manhattan and all. Actually, my grocery store over by Columbia closed and they made my favorite.

Truecraig said...

The fly generating variety is the only variety I remember encountering. If there are others, they were less than noteworthy, and were thus forgotten.