Monday, September 27, 2004

Team nic, and their rivals

Now here's a big ol' "fuck you" to all the safety nazis out there.

Check fella out:

Old man tobacco finds self once more

Now I am not trying to say that smoking is a good thing. Really, I would prefer to avoid qualifying the qualities of smoking. Good, bad, irritating, relaxing, addicting, comforting, whatever. But as a smoker, I cannot help but feel a slight grin pouring over my face as I read (and re-read) the headline. Being a smoker who is willing to commit this "tyranny" against all who are "pure in health", I tend to smoke in public, in front of strangers and strange people.

This puts me in the line of fire for every goddamned cooky-dumbass and ill-educated soccer-mom who is obviously unimpressed with their own existence and feels it their right, no, RESPONSIBILITY to repeat to me what I can already plainly read on the side of the box of cancer sticks I purchased not but two days earlier. Yes, we all know it is bad for you. Yes, the Surgeon General has some empirically valid points. Yes, it causes health issues. Yes, we will all die of something someday. No, smoking outdoors will not kill harmless passers-by (I repeat, with clarification: NO, IT WILL NOT HURT YOU ANY MORE THAN YOUR BREATHING WHILE SITTING IN TRAFFIC ON THE WAY TO YOUR ASBESTOS-RIDDEN PLACE OF BUSINESS). No, OBL is not supported directly by my nicotine addiction, now move along you dupe. For the love of all that is holy, will you please piss-off? If it is so reprehensible to you, why come so close to bother me about it? Get your babies away from the smoker! Jesus.

It never ceases to amaze me how many strangers will take it upon themselves to let you know that you are killing yourself. What other activity could a person do that would make this form of privacy-violation acceptable? B.A.S.E. jumping? Running for president? Public flatulence? I see smoking as more akin to eating Fritos and Miracle Whip everyday. More of a personal mistake than something inviting public critique. Everyone knows mayo-Frito diet has both long and short-term quality-of-life reducing qualities, and will eventually (through obesity related healthcare) cost the whole population money to treat. Half the state of Michigan does that publicly (most add sausage to said diet), and no one says a thing. To each their own. But if they light up a cig too... Then it is ON. Apparently.

Those who have just quit smoking have been the worst I've met so far. They've "seen the light", and feel that their experience and revelation should serve as reason enough for you, as ignorant smoker, to join their crusade against that which they believe so thoroughly that they should hate... yet they are constantly fighting their urge to re-indulge in. Like a recently-made-paraplegic pimp trying to preach abstinence, it all comes off as ill-placed haterism. Just a bunch of well-if-I-can't-then-no-one-can logic gone evangelical, and in my face. Almost as if they are berating me in the physical, but lecturing themselves in the mental realm. Because lecturing themselves out loud about the evils of their own addiction(s) would be "bat-shit loon-ball", but lecturing (reminding) me about my (their own) habits is somehow "helpful". Please save me the soapbox, and that will be favor enough.

If I believed they truly meant well, then I'd probably leave it alone. But honestly, it just looks like a bunch of useless axe-grinding, and a waste of my time. And a waste of a good smoke. Just like this entry.

Damn you nicotine!

7 comments:

oscar said...

Yes, Right On! Fuck those Fuckers right in thier self-righteous asses. Fuch them Hard! Fuck Yeah!

Truecraig said...

Wow. While The Big O does not smoke cigs, he is certainly smokin'!

ZING! I line 'em up!! And just... oh, whatever. I got nuthin'. Word to the O.

oscar said...

Sorry, about that. Your brother got me all worked up with his last post, and I'm still not over it. Fuck... Yes!

vance42 said...

When I went to look at the comments for this post, all of the the 'Ads by Goooooogle' were for "Stop Smoking Aids". I love irony. I dare say, its one of the things that makes life worth living.

Truecraig said...

Kudos to those who quit smoking, and if the gooooogle ads here a help, then I feel accomplished. Before this post: gooooogle displayed AA adverts, Jack Johnson tix, and non-profit requests for donations. The irony runs thick on this blog.

ladykaen said...

i completely concur about the hypocrisy of health: smoking bad, mcdonald's good. and as for the comments on irony, here's one i cherish: watching the news one soiree the tag for the upcoming news bit was something about the startling rate of obesity. followed immediately by a burger king ad. fucking priceless. but i don't know if the states have it the same way as us, yer northern cousins, we get pictures of rotting lungs, gums et al. with our ciggy warnings. i'm not so sure how much i'd advocate for oozing arteries or ...oh gawd the mind reels on burger boxes, ya know?
but yea... a-fucking-men brother.

Truecraig said...

Canadian Kaen, you are one entertaining lady. No, we don't have the over-bloated "Smoking can KILL YOU" labels on our cigs here in The States. Other differences: 1.We use our guns to shoot eachother. 2.Foreign Policy what? Whoozat? 3.Our beer is watery. 4.Our biggest export is acid rain.

Somehow, we still manage to kick ass. Especially in Texas, y'all. Yee. Fucking. Haw.